


Do You Know Who I Think I Am?

by bleumysti



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 09:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20525492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bleumysti/pseuds/bleumysti
Summary: Post- Season Finale . Rosa confides in the one person who isn't still treating her like a child: Alex. In which Rosa talks about life and death, encourages Alex to find himself, and gets into some fun mischief.





	Do You Know Who I Think I Am?

**_A/N_**: A birthday fic. As seen on Tumblr . Freestyle. All errors are my own. 

—–

“The coast is clear, kid.” Alex tossed Rosa the keys to his truck and smirked at her scowl over the term of endearment.

She snatched the keys out of the air and climbed into the driver’s seat with ease. She stopped herself from telling him to move his ass.

He was more gracious than anyone when it came to her faux pas as she struggled to adjust to how different the world was around her now.

She never had to censor herself with him. They both were blunt and without filters, and it was one of the reasons she didn’t mind when he used to tag along behind her when he was a kid, or she was a kid, or they were kids, or something.

He was like the little brother she never wanted, but now, now she didn’t know how to see him. But of all the things she had to adjust to, he felt the most familiar and comfortable.

Emo rights or some shit. And even though the man she was cruising with wasn’t the same as the teen she knew before she was killed, he was still in there, somewhere.

“Stop calling me ‘kid.’ I don’t care what I look like, I’m still older than you,” she hissed.

It felt good to squeeze the steering wheel, let her dark hair whip around her as they picked up speed, nothing but desert ahead of them and Fall Out Boy blaring.

“Someone needs to tell Liz that too,” she bit at her thumb even though her nails were bitten down to the nubs. “She keeps mothering me.”

“In her defense, you do look 12,“Alex deadpanned.

"Fuck you,” she mumbled. She rolled her eyes when he chuckled low and deep.

She used to love his hearty laugh and big smile, and she hadn’t seen or heard either since she … returned. He was always haunted, but this time, it was for deeper reasons, and she didn’t know what to do with any of that.

Her thumbnail went to her mouth again. Ten years of being frozen in time meant she still had an oral fixation she couldn’t quit. She didn’t smoke. She stopped, but she needed …

She took her eyes off the road for a moment when she heard the rustling beside her. Alex had a candy bag in hand. He yanked out a couple of suckers, popped one in his mouth and handed her the other.

The sweet and tartness on her tongue triggered memories, but more importantly, it put her at ease.

“I’m told it helps,” he said stealing a look in her direction. She could feel him studying her intensely.

He always had a way of peering through a person, and somehow that skill was enhanced with time and age.

They sailed pass a billboard advertising legal aid specializing in immigration law. Her vision clouded over, dark specks belying her anger, and she internally counted backwards to ground herself.

“That persimmon pendejo is president, the planet is self-destructing … I come back from the dead, and it’s worse than hell,” she sighed.

She bit down on the sucker and tried to assuage the ball of anxiety bubbling up. She worried about her papi, and it was made worse by the fact that she couldn’t lay eyes on him.

She felt Alex studying her again, his intense gaze burning the side of her face until she couldn’t take it anymore.

She replayed the last few moments in hopes of pinpointing what set him off again. Then, “I didn’t go to hell,” she said quietly.

The small exhalation he let out was the only sign he gave her that it was his concern. She stole a glance his way.

His expression was as stoic as ever, but as usual, his eyes gave him away. He was terrified, but also relieved.

It was something they never spoke about in great detail, but it was something she knew he wondered about.

He didn’t speak of his own ghosts, but she sensed them the second she wrapped him into her arms again. He was haunted, whatever had taken place in the decade since she last saw him – war, loss – it weighed heavily on him.

“The last thing I remember is her – him, –it..” she squinted at the sun, busied herself snagging a pair of his sunglasses from the cupholder and shoving them on.

If she shielded her face she wouldn’t feel so exposed under his scrutiny.

“No worries, kid,” she tried to lighten the mood and mock him with the endearment. “If there is an afterlife, I don’t remember a second of it. I guess I haven’t paid for my sins yet,” she shrugged.

“So I can’t give you solace if you’re afraid about paying for yours.” She knew she struck a nerve when his eyes darted away.

“My sins are darker than yours, squirt.”

She let the attempt to get under her skin go.

“You’re a good person, cabron. I have known you your entire,” she shook her head and swore under her breath. “I have known you for most of your life. You’re one of the best people I’ve known. War or whatever else you’ve gotten yourself into over the past few years doesn’t change that. I know your heart, bro. ”

“Bro?” He scoffed. It was a misdirect as he choked back the emotion that rose in his throat.

She didn’t respond, merely pulled over at one of her favorite spots. There were a different set of caves, and they always brought her peace or something akin to it.

It was different than what she remembered. Everything was different than she remembered.

“I thought when I was gone things would be better.” She reached across the seat snagging another sucker and popped it in her mouth.

“I mean, I didn’t plan on,” she felt his dark eyes boring into her face again searching, always searching. “I planned on leaving, before I died, I planned on leaving.”

“I thought that when I was gone things would be better for the people I care about. But even my death caused more harm for those who gave a shit, and even in my absence things fell apart,” she picked at her nail and stared off into the distance, the wind making flyaway hair dance within her line of sight.

“I would have at least hoped my death mattered. That if I had to die, at least it meant something, but catching up on everything has taught me that it was meaningless.”

She tossed the half-eaten sucker out the window. It no longer gave her the satisfaction it did before.

“Liz still came back to this place. She should have stayed away, but she came back, and look at what she’s in? All I wanted is for her to be free of this place, and she’s right back here heart deep in alien shit.”

“She did get away, Rosa,” Alex reached out and tentatively touched her hand.

“She traveled. She completed her list. She went to school and pursued the career she wanted,” he rested his head on the back of the seat, and it was the most relaxed he looked in a while.

“Maria didn’t get to follow her dreams. She wanted out of here, and now it’s ten years later, and she’s still stuck behind a bar trying to make ends meet and taking care of Mimi. Christ, there’s nothing fair about that.”

“Life happens, Rosa,” Alex sighed. Whether he was unfazed or resigned, she couldn’t tell.

“Yeah, I know. And death,” she closed her eyes and turned her face up toward the sun.

“My papi could be put in a damn cage like an animal at any moment, and my birth father is dead. So many questions left unanswered.”

“I still can’t believe you and Kyle are related,” Alex chuckled. “It actually makes sense now though.”

“I’m being serious here and you’re deflecting with jokes? Typical. And Kyle and I are nothing alike.”

“He was an asshole in high school. It’s true, but he’s a good man. You should try getting to know your big-little brother better.”

“You used to be my favorite and now I’m reconsidering my position on that,” she shoved him, and he laughed like he did when he was young, gangly, and unburdened.

“Easy there, Valenti.” It earned him another shove until they both were laughing.

“That was easy. I’m saving the real hurting for the Valenti with a dick. I swear if he brings me another teen magazine, I’m going to gauge his eyes out.”

“See? You’re acting like siblings already. You have obnoxious little sister in the bag.”

“First of all, it’s big sister. Second, you and Kyle can kiss my ass,” she said it with heat, but Alex’s bemused expression made her smirk against her better judgment.

“Kyle is, annoyingly perfect, but it’s going to take a while. It’s going to take longer if he treats me like one of his teen patients.”

“Yeah, that has more to do with Kyle than you, I promise.”

“I would thank you for being the only one who isn’t treating me differently, or like a child, but I would hate for it to go to your head.”

He flashed her one of the first genuine smiles she saw since she reunited with him. “Too late, Rosa. I already know I’m your favorite.”

The laughter in his eyes warmed her heart. Alex was so guarded with everyone else. They didn’t think she picked up on these things, but she did.

“And then there’s you. Finding out you enlisted …”

His smile vanished as quickly as it came, and she damn near saw the walls go up. “You think I’m a poser.”

“I think you’re a survivor,” she said instantly without thought. She didn’t have to think about it because it was true.

“I just hate you had to lose pieces of yourself to prove something to that dickwad dad of yours.”

Alex averted his eyes, and suddenly he was 14 again, and Rosa was reading through him like no one else could.

“Maybe no one else will point it out, but that’s what happened. And I hate that for you. I hate that you didn’t get to follow the path you chose for yourself instead of his,” she spewed. Her heart raced with anger and guilt.

She knew the odds of her being alive wouldn’t have changed some of the outcomes, but she was just enough of a masochist to think maybe if she were around she could have.

Her eyes flickered to his. Both sets glassy with unshed tears and emotion they withheld as if their lives depended on it.

Maybe both of them realized a long time ago that sometimes their lives did.

“But I’m living proof it’s never too late to find yourself. I’m getting a second chance I never expected to…” she released a puff of air and grabbed Alex’s chin.

It was strong and firm, the stubble prickled her skin, and it was a far cry from the last time she had done it.

“I still see him in there. The darkness you’re afraid has consumed you, it hasn’t beaten him out. Remember? That’s a strong ass guy who could take a beating. And now he can kick ass too.” Her sly grin made him return one in kind.

“He’s still there, just stronger and older. And you gotta stop hiding him away. I’m not the only one who was resurrected. That part of you is trying to come back too. Let him. You’ll be much happier with it.”

He sniffled, swallowing back emotions again, and she raised her brow but didn’t say anything.

“Are you done, obi-wan kenobi?”

“God, you’re still on that Star Wars shit?” She snorted. “See? Still a dork.”

“This is why I love you more than your brother,” he joked.

“Fair,” she quipped. “But I’m serious Alex.”

He sighed. “I know. All the things you could do now, and you’re trying to fix me?”

“Well, you’re not irrevocably broken, just a little lost,” she tangled her fingers with his. “We both are.”

“I can’t fix any of the other shit with Liz, or my father, or Maria and Mimi, but your shit can be fixed, and I can help you. I’m not afraid of the dark, and we both need to find the light.”

He snorted at her cheesiness, but accepted it for what it was. For the first time in years, he felt seen again.“We do like that dark shit.”

“Damn right we do.”

She hooked her pinky with his and had a flashback to warm summer nights painting each other’s nails black and listening to the latest obscure band.

She wouldn’t mention the occasional bruise blooming on skin hidden away, and he wouldn’t comment on how twitchy she was for her next fix, but the camaraderie in those moments sustained them.

He popped his sucker in his mouth and smiled at the gesture. She imagined he was recalling those nights too.

“You’re good at that,” she nodded at the sugary treat in his mouth. “Lotta practice over the years?” She asked suggestively.

She was pleased with herself when his face went red and he nearly choked.

“You’re as bad as Maria and twice as crude,” he sputtered.

“Some things never change then,” she started the truck back up. “You don’t have to tell me now. You can tell me when we get there.”

“Um, get where?” He stiffened in his seat and narrowed his eyes sensing she was up to no good.“ Get where, Rosa?”

She tossed her bag into his lap and shot him a mischievous grin. It grew wider when he swore profusely as he pulled out the assortment of spray cans.

Her fingers were itching to create something, and it felt like forever since she tagged something, made art, left pieces of herself she had control over somewhere – left the mark she wanted and not the one chosen for her.

For her, it was a release she had been craving, but for him it would be a walk down memory lane to the days when he would occasionally play look out.

“So what do you say, Sergeant?” Her voice took a conspiratorial tone. “Are you in or are you going to chicken out on me?”

His face was unreadable for a moment, but then there was that familiar light in his eyes.

“Fuck it. Why not?”

She threw her head back and laughed, and he turned the music up as they sped down the highway.

* * *


End file.
